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Ever feel like this isn’t how it’s supposed to be?

“Supposed to” is one of those words that gets us into trouble.  

(Kind of like “should," right? --that’s another trouble-making word that we’ll have to save for another time.)

“Supposed to” tells us that there’s a certain way things are meant to be and that anything outside of that is wrong.  

But we all think that way from time to time.

If you’re …

Want to learn real techniques to bring on more calm this holiday season? Join Calm By Design

Show of hands: How many of you are expecting a baby this month? Or in December? Or a New Year’s baby?

If this is you, first off, congratulations. There’s no better holiday gift. But also, I know exactly what’s on your mind these days...  

As if waiting on your baby’s debut (early, late or right on time?) or bringing baby home (Congratulations, here’s your baby. Now go home and figure out how to be par…

Let’s be really honest about the holiday season for a minute.

Yes, they’re magical.

Yes, they’re fun.

Yes, they’re beautiful.

Yes, they’re full of friends, and family, and traditions we love.

BUT….

They’re also BUSY. They’re also STRESSFUL. They’re also EXPENSIVE.

And, they also can cause some conflict in our relationships.

• Whether it’s conflict with our partners because we just have very different ideas of what the holidays should mean or how they should be spent...

• Or whether …

A gratitude practice doesn’t solve all our problems.  

There, I said it. It really doesn’t.

I know, I know. I spent an entire blog post last week talking about the benefits of gratitude and different types of gratitude practices.

But, when gratitude doesn’t work, I think it’s worth asking ourselves if that’s because a daily gratitude practice simply isn’t enough to fix the problem.

(This is why antidepressants and food shelves exist, for example. And if this is the case for you, the…

 If you’ve been on social media lately, I’m guessing your feed has been inundated with three things in the last week:  

Halloween photos, midterm election posts, and 30-day gratitude challenge posts.

By now, the Halloween posts are probably waning. The election posts--or political posts in general--don’t show any signs of stopping though. But, at least right now, there are more celebratory posts than angry rants, right?

And if you haven’t seen any gratitude posts on your feed, then you’…

If you’ve ever miscarried or lost a baby, you might feel the expectation from the people around you to bounce back or move on. You might even place that expectation on yourself.

Maybe “expectation” isn’t even the right word.  

It’s more like, life just continues on like normal with or without you being ready for it. As if your baby or your pregnancy wasn’t real or never happened. Like it was here and now it’s just….gone.  

Many moms don’t discuss it. Maybe you’re one that didn’t.  You m…

Grief affects every one of us sooner or later.

I’ve been talking all month about the specific grief that comes from losing a pregnancy or losing your baby. There’s no other kind of grief that is quite like it.

And, unfortunately, it’s a quiet grief. It’s not one we talk about much. In fact, there’s probably a woman you know who is dealing with this right now and you have no idea. We tend to keep it to ourselves--either because we’re afraid no one will understand, or we feel like we should …

Last week, I talked to you briefly about how October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. 1 in 4 women will experience a miscarriage or lose their baby. This means that you definitely know someone in your family or social circle who has experienced this.  

So, today, I want to share some resources I rely on with you that might help you if you’re struggling with this or know someone who is.

These are online resources that can help, no matter where you live, plus a couple th…

October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. This is so important for every one of us to be aware of--because even if you’ve never experienced this yourself, I can almost guarantee someone close to you has.

1 in 4 women will experience a miscarriage or lose their baby in their lifetime. Think about that for a minute. 1 in 4. Think about how many women you know. And maybe a few of them have told you (or you heard through the grapevine) that they’ve experienced this kind of loss, bu…

I’ve been talking a lot on the blog lately about ways to get the support you need when you’re really doubting yourself as a parent--how to know when you need advice and when you just need encouragement, what to do with advice that doesn’t fit, and dealing with unsolicited advice from relatives and strangers.  

Today, though, I want to talk about finding that inner confidence as a parent, so that you can squash self-doubt and overwhelm all on your own. Truth be told, it doesn’t happen ove…

Are you the kind of mom that appreciates parenting advice from others?

Or, does that stuff annoy you every time?

Maybe it depends on the situation, the question, the messenger.

Every mom I know feels vulnerable and questions themselves at least once in a while.  (There’s nothing quite like motherhood to make even the most confident, competent woman question herself.)

With time, of course, we learn a whole new level of confidence, not sweating the small stuff or comparing oursel…

Today, I’m going to keep this short and sweet.  

Last week, I talked to you about the role of grandparents in our lives and why it’s so important to communicate with your little ones’ grandparents about what kind of support you need.

They all want to be involved in their own way.

• But sometimes they aren’t the type to jump in and handle things because they just don’t want to step on your toes.

  
  

• Sometimes they are comfortable with jumping in to lend a hand, but they ju…

Grandparents Day was this past Sunday. I don’t know if this is a thing people actually celebrate, but maybe we should be.

The role of a grandparent in a kid’s life can be such a special thing. I know I felt a special closeness to my own grandparents. Maybe you did too.

It can also be a godsend to us parents when we need a break and a heart-warmer when we see their special bond with our littles grow.

But I also know that when you have a new baby or toddler at home, navigating that …

Confession time, mommas. Sometimes self-care is really hard to be consistent with. Even for a therapist and mom like me.

I think we all struggle with this one--at least from time to time, if not all the time.

And when we fall off the wagon with it or have struggled to implement new self-care habits in the first place, the hardest part is starting.

It’s kind of like--well, I don’t know about you, but this is definitely true for me: Getting to the gym is the hardest part of exe…

I talk about self-care a lot. Like, A LOT, a lot.

And it’s not just me. Self-care became a buzzword years ago and it doesn’t show any signs of disappearing anytime soon.

I think this is a good thing… and a bad thing.

It’s great because we would all do better to slow down and tune into ourselves a little more often to ask, “What do I need right now?”

But, it’s also kind of a bad thing because there’s so much misunderstanding about what self-care really is.  

Mass m…

And, I mean, it makes sense. Many of us moms work, which means someone else is doing the caregiving for a significant portion of the day. And then, we come home and it’s boom-boom-boom. We have to do the whole dinner, bathtime, bedtime routine, with the rush hour commute in between. It often feels like there isn’t much time to “just be” with our kids.

But, it’s not just working mothers…

Last week, I showed you how to use my Postpartum Support Matrix worksheet to help you determine where you need extra help and support right now and over the long term.  

This week, I’m showing you the next step: How to manage it all and make sure everything is getting done, even if it’s not you doing every single thing.  

(And, in doing this, if you discover that it IS you doing every single thing, you’ll also discover how to pass those things off to someone else.)

One of the most …

Are you a new mom or dad that feels like you’re doing too much and can’t keep up? 

Are you so overwhelmed or exhausted that you can’t even think of what to delegate when people ask how they can help?

Or, maybe asking people for help just feels too hard, but you’d love to try to let yourself off the hook a little?

I get it. Completely.  

For one thing, as a mom,  I’ve been there myself. For another, this is something that comes up in my therapy practice ALL the time.

For years, I'd say the worst question anyone could ask me is "What's for dinner?" 

I know I'm not alone in this.  Whether you love to cook or not, it's deciding what to make that is the most exhausting. And it's only made worse when it's followed by groans of "Ew, not that again...." 

Now, there are a variety of ways to solve this problem in our modern world. Of course, we can simply go out to eat. But that gets expensive. And sometimes it gets old. 

Some like those meal delivery servi…

Today is the 4th of July, a day for celebrating freedom and independence. But when you’re a parent, our experience of freedom changes a little bit, doesn’t it? It’s suddenly not quite so easy as hopping in the car spontaneously and driving for hours and hours.

But, still, road tripping with kids can be done. It just requires a little more planning and different expectations. In fact, our family takes a road trip this time of year every year.

Our kids are 8 and 5 years old, so we sho…

One of the most common issues moms bring up to me is that it’s so hard to find their mom tribe. Whether it’s online or in real life, it’s hard to figure out where we fit in or find that place where we can feel supported and not judged for our choices, fears and struggles.  

And yet, I really think it’s one of the most important things for all moms to have in place--that circle of friends who get it, who can lift us up when we’re down or just let us cry without offering advice or critici…

If you’ve been following my blog for a while, then you’re probably familiar with my Momma Interviews series. I’ve loved doing them and I frequently get positive feedback from readers saying how much they look forward to them.

But I feel like we’re only getting half of the story.  

I’ve been wanting to do a series of Dads Interviews for such a long time. And today--just in time for Fathers Day this weekend--I’m so excited to kick off the Dads Interviews series with Quentin Hafner!

Well, May has come and gone and summer is in full swing. But, just because Maternal Mental Health Awareness Month is over doesn’t mean the conversation is over. Maternal Mental Health is important 365 days a year.

So, we might be well into June by now, but I want to recap what we discussed in the last month and share with you some weekly tips videos I did over on my Facebook page.  

I completed and shared with you 7 all new Expert Edition Momma Interviews:

• Jennifer Moyer tal…

May is Maternal Mental Health Awareness Month, so I've relaunched my "Momma Interviews" series--This time with an extra special set of moms. These mommas also work to support other moms and their families during the transition into new parenthood and beyond. I'm calling it the "Expert Edition", but I think you'll find that while these women definitely are experts in their work, parenthood has a way of making a beginner out of everybody. Even experts get surprised by the unexpected and learn …

May is Maternal Mental Health Awareness Month, so I've relaunched my "Momma Interviews" series--This time with an extra special set of moms. These mommas also work to support other moms and their families during the transition into new parenthood and beyond. I'm calling it the "Expert Edition", but I think you'll find that while these women definitely are experts in their work, parenthood has a way of making a beginner out of everybody. Even experts get surprised by the unexpected and learn …

May is Maternal Mental Health Awareness Month, so I've relaunched my "Momma Interviews" series--This time with an extra special set of moms. These mommas also work to support other moms and their families during the transition into new parenthood and beyond.  I'm calling it the "Expert Edition", but I think you'll find that while these women definitely are experts in their work, parenthood has a way of making a beginner out of everybody. Even experts get surprised by the unexpected and learn…

May is Maternal Mental Health Awareness Month, so I've relaunched my "Momma Interviews" series--This time with an extra special set of moms. These mommas also work to support other moms and their families during the transition into new parenthood and beyond. I'm calling it the "Expert Edition", but I think you'll find that while these women definitely are experts in their work, parenthood has a way of making a beginner out of everybody. Even experts get surprised by the unexpected and learn …

May is Maternal Mental Health Awareness Month, so I've relaunched my "Momma Interviews" series--This time with an extra special set of moms. These mommas also work to support other moms and their families during the transition into new parenthood and beyond. I'm calling it the "Expert Edition", but I think you'll find that while these women definitely are experts in their work, parenthood has a way of making a beginner out of everybody. Even experts get surprised by the unexpected and learn …

May is Maternal Mental Health Awareness Month, so I've relaunched my "Momma Interviews" series--This time with an extra special set of moms. These mommas also work to support other moms and their families during the transition into new parenthood and beyond. I'm calling it the "Expert Edition", but I think you'll find that while these women definitely are experts in their work, parenthood has a way of making a beginner out of everybody. Even experts get surprised by the unexpected and learn …

May is Maternal Mental Health Awareness Month, so I've relaunched my "Momma Interviews" series--This time with an extra special set of moms. These mommas also work to support other moms and their families during the transition into new parenthood and beyond. I'm calling it the "Expert Edition", but I think you'll find that while these women definitely are experts in their work, parenthood has a way of making a beginner out of everybody. Even experts get surprised by the unexpected and learn …

Written by Rebekah Fedrowitz 

Becoming a new mom is one of the happiest times in a woman’s lives. The love and joy that comes from simply watching your baby is unlike any other experience, filling you with love, satisfaction and contentment.  

But what happens with those emotions are juxtaposed with feelings of worry, anxiety, and even sadness? The love and joy are welcomed, but the others are not, and the combination of feelings can be overwhelming.

That’s what happened to me.

The …

“I just had my baby 4 days ago and I feel like I haven’t been able to spend alone time with her at all. My family and friends keep calling and stopping by the house without warning. I don’t want to be mean by telling them not to come over, but I really just want time to bond with my baby right now. Is that bad? What should I do?”

If you’re reading this because you’re having a similar problem, let me just start by telling you that you’re not bad. You’re not selfish. You’re also not alone. F…

Motherhood is a rite of passage. It’s a kind of life (and a kind of love) that you can only truly understand if you’re also a mom yourself. So, what about our friends that haven’t birthed babies or otherwise become parents to little humans? 

I often hear from moms that it feels like there’s a disconnect in the friendship once one of the two has become a mom. And sure, sometimes relationships run their course and not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever.  BUT…  still. Isn’t it…

How do you feel about mom groups on Facebook?

I’ve been asking around about how other moms feel about mom groups on Facebook and other social media and the funny thing is, I’m met with groans every time. I’m not surprised, really. More just disappointed for moms everywhere.

I guess we probably should have predicted this. Road rage has been a problem for probably decades. Social media trolling, though relatively newer, comes out of a similar mentality.  

The root cause is our ability t…

When our babies are small, it can often feel like we’re trying to crack some mysterious code. “Why are you crying? What do you need? What are you trying to tell me?”

Often times, we find ourselves thinking (even if only for a flicker of a moment), “Life will be so much easier when they can get around on their own or tell me what they need!”

….And then, toddlerhood happens and we’re completely eating our words. Toddlers have BIG emotions, don’t they! And very strong opinions! Tha…

In my last blog post, I talked about the importance of scheduling time to connect with your partner. I talked about how couples need time for both check-ins (the daily and weekly logistical and schedule-based stuff that keep your household running) and connection time (date nights and hangout time to reconnect and forget about the logistical stuff). And I also talked about the importance of self-care. All of these things need to be scheduled. 

As the saying goes, "What gets scheduled is wha…

I don't know of a single parenting couple around that doesn't struggle with finding time for connecting with each other every now and then.  It's a real challenge! There's a reason why you hear of those empty-nesters who decide to divorce after the kids leave the house because they realize they don't really know each other anymore. After kids come along, it's inevitable that we won't quite get the same amount of time together as we did when it was just us two. But, that doesn't mean that …

A recent Facebook post went viral about a mother who was seeking help for Postpartum Depression, but instead of her being able to get the help she was seeking, it resulted in the cops being called, the mother feeling “more broken”, and with still no services in place to help her. This is not OK.

I wish I could say that this was the first time I had heard of this happening or that it didn't happen right here in Sacramento, where we have been working really hard to get screening and incre…

Is it just me, or does it seem like this year’s cold and flu season is particularly rough? Lately, it seems like everyone has taken the hit. It has definitely shaken things up a bit at my household already.  

In January’s issue of Real Simple magazine, they put out a great article on how to survive sick days. (The advice in it is genius. It’s worth checking out.) But, the focus is mostly on families with older kids.  

And it hit me: Why haven’t I talked about sick days with babies a…

I don’t know about you, but I’m still riding high on new year’s vibes. I’m so excited for what’s in store this year and I'm feeling really optimistic about what this year will bring for all of us. One of the ways that I like to welcome the new year and honor myself for what I’ve lived through in the past year is to do a yearly reflection. (I posted a blog about this last January.) This helps me to really think about all the things I actually did do in the last 12 months, and not get discour…

Well, moms and dads, it's been another interesting year! To honor the work we've done over the past year and to help usher in the new year, this week I thought I'd highlight the most popular blog content we've put out in 2017. These are the posts you've read and loved the most! 

And there definitely seem to be some running themes here. (Not that I'm surprised--these are the things that come up with my clients in my private practice too!) Popular topics include sex and intimacy, ways to mak…

Parents, I need your help!

I hope you've been having a peaceful, memorable holiday season. For some of you, it might be business as usual by now. For the rest of you, you might still be entertaining family from out of town or simply trying to recuperate from all the holiday celebrations.  

Wherever you are with it, I thought you might appreciate a reason to take a little time-out on your own. So maybe we can help each other out?  

I really want to make sure that I'm providing you with hel…

This week's video is all about how, after I had run myself ragged as a mom, I finally learned to focus on how I want to FEEL over what I want to accomplish. 

In it, I tell you about my 3 favorite ways to start focusing on the right things. With some practice, these habits will help you to naturally create your ideal day. 

Watch the video here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcNMUST8a7Y&w=854&h=480

When you’re a mom, the unsolicited advice and passing criticisms from others can come out of nowhere sometimes.  

Because the holidays tend to bring about more family gatherings and social events, this can set us up for a lot of opportunities to be on the receiving end of those comments. Not to mention, with all the added stress and hustle that the holidays often bring with them, we might be feeling just a bit more frazzled or sensitive than other times of the year. As if being a parent…

Recently, I had a conversation with another mom about that tricky phase many of us go through when we parents are trying to determine whether it’s time to drop a nap in our little one’s sleep schedule.  Sometimes babies and toddlers can be really good at sending us a mixed bag of signals--particularly when it comes to naps.

And now that we’re in the full throes of holiday season, I think this topic is especially important since many of us spend time traveling or going to holiday events …

Last week on the blog, I talked to you about managing outside expectations on your family for the holiday season. If you’re wanting a quieter, simpler, more peaceful holiday season without the rushing around from this party to that dinner… First of all, I don’t blame you.  

Doing all that with a brand-new baby or even a toddler can sometimes just be way too much. Especially if you’re only doing it because you feel like it’s expected of you.

But also, I do realize that telling you to…

Well, the holiday season is upon us.  Thanksgiving is a week away and I swear it sneaks up on me faster and faster every year.

The holidays can be stressful, chaotic, busy for everyone. This can be especially true for new moms.

I have couples tell me all the time how stressful the holiday season can be with a new baby at home. They share that they feel obligated to make the rounds.  

I always tell them that they don’t need to do that.

Reading this now, that response might seem ob…

We’re officially within the bounds of “holiday season” by now. We survived the time change (how did that go for your little ones, by the way?). It’s getting darker way sooner than it was just weeks ago. And fall is transitioning into winter.

This time of year, the sun sets so early in the day and even when it’s out, you might not always see too much of it. Skies turn grey or overcast many days out of the season. Northern California, where I live, definitely tends to get more precipitati…

Trigger Warning:

This post deals with the common experiences and needs of moms who have lost a baby. If you have experienced a miscarriage or baby loss and the grief feels too raw for you right now, please honor how you’re feeling today and consider bookmarking this post for another day when you’re feeling stronger or more ready. 

Last week, in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, I wrote about some of the common threads experienced by moms who have miscarried or lost a ba…