When the Holidays are Hard: How to Create Meaningful Moments When Things Aren't How They're "Supposed to Be"
Ever feel like this isn’t how it’s supposed to be?
“Supposed to” is one of those words that gets us into trouble.
(Kind of like “should," right? --that’s another trouble-making word that we’ll have to save for another time.)
“Supposed to” tells us that there’s a certain way things are meant to be and that anything outside of that is wrong.
But we all think that way from time to time.
If you’re a mom, then I don’t need to tell you that. We moms are really good at telling ourselves how things are “supposed to be” and then feeling horrible about ourselves when our realities don’t match that.
And the holiday season really lays it on even thicker.
We need to stay really conscious of this I think, because it can be easy for these thoughts to become automatic if we don’t stop and question where they came from and whether we really believe them.
We can even get really attached to them. I mean, it’s not surprising. Our culture and the media feed us these ideas from the day we’re born.
Why does it matter, you might ask?
Well, because when our choices or our circumstances fall outside those conventions that society or we ourselves expect, then we are bound to feel some heartbreak or anger over it.
We can feel like we’ve failed or that others have failed us. We compare ourselves to others. We can feel like this year’s holidays are ruined or that the holidays are forever tarnished now.
We might need answers to that sometimes unanswerable question: Why did this have to happen to me, to my family?
Today, I’m talking about 4 common "unconventional" family holiday situations that I hear a lot about in my practice:
sharing the holidays with a co-parent
missing a military parent while they're on deployment
dealing with serious or chronic illness of a loved one during the holidays
and working through grief and loss during the holiday season.
In the video below, I discuss these situations in a little more depth and offer 3 tips for each scenario. I hope that you can find some support and comfort in these considerations.
*And if you need more support, don’t hesitate to reach out. I always assist in finding the right support for every new inquiry I get, whether it’s working with me or another therapist that is a better fit, or just finding free resources in your area.
WATCH THE VIDEO:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF_O0chjXcE&w=854&h=480
This video previously aired as a Facebook Live. You can follow Happy With Baby on Facebook to catch all their live videos here.
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