What Real Moms Wish They Knew Before They Had Kids
Parenthood throws us a lot of curve balls. Particularly in the first year of a baby’s life, but really, the surprises never stop.
Recently, I stumbled upon an article on Romper called “37 Moms Share What They Wish They Had Known Before Having Their First Kid.”
Naturally, it made me think about my own experiences and what I wish I knew before I became a mom.
In case you’re now wondering, my biggest shocker was that it never even occurred to me that having a baby would be hard on my relationship with my husband. And I’m a relationship therapist! It just wasn’t something that people talked about then. (You can probably guess now how I chose my specialization!)
I also had no idea that getting a baby to sleep would be so hard. I remember thinking, “Aren’t babies supposed to just sleep practically all the time? Why is getting mine to nap such work?”
Both of those things really threw me for a loop. Had I known and prepared for those things in advance, maybe I wouldn’t have struggled so hard or felt so critical of myself.
This got me thinking… Geez, hindsight really is everything. What other wisdom had I been missing out on at the time by simply not asking others what threw them for a loop too? I wonder what the women in my own circles would say they wish they had known about before they became moms?
So, I decided to kick off a conversation.
My staff and I started group texts with our mom pals and some of the women in our families. We heard moms talk about how hard breastfeeding can be for some women, about how grateful they were to have hired a doula (or how much they regretted not having one), and how they wished they considered that the baby blues or depression could happen to them. And of course, someone always mentions the exhaustion!
I have to say, I wish I would have done this little experiment much sooner in my parenting life. The conversations have been so smart and full of encouragement. (If you want to see some of the highlights from those conversations, read all the way to the end!)
Now, if you’re a Type A perfectionist who wants to win at all the things (like me) then of course doing all the practical things like getting your finances in order, reading parenting books, and delegating meal deliveries for after the baby arrives will give you a lot of peace of mind. Of course, if you can make those things happen, please do.
However, I want to pose a different idea:
What if you asked the mommas in your life about what they wish they knew before they had kids? What might you uncover?
Try it out. Then reflect a bit: What surprises you? What makes you feel better about how you’re doing things? What leaves you with more questions than answers? What makes you think, oh, that’ll never happen to me?
Do you feel better, more connected and supported, after asking? Where do you want to dig deeper?
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