When Your Child Struggles — and You Start Doubting Yourself

There’s a moment many parents never talk about — but I think we should.

It’s that quiet, heavy feeling that shows up when your child is struggling.

School isn’t clicking. Friendships feel hard. Motivation dips. They seem lost, overwhelmed, or just different from the kids we see around us or online.

And even if we logically know that every child develops at their own pace, there is still that little whisper inside:

“Am I failing them?”
“Should I be doing more?”
“Is everyone else doing this better than I am?”

If you’ve ever felt that — you are not alone. 

In fact, I filmed an entire video about this exact experience because it sits so close to my heart.

👉 Watch the full video here:
YouTube Video: When Your Child Struggles — And You Start to Doubt Yourself

Why Parenting Feels Harder Now

Parenting today occurs under a spotlight most generations never had to endure.

We see perfectly curated snapshots of other people’s children — straight A’s, team captains, early achievers — and without meaning to, we compare. We wonder why our child struggles with math or motivation or friendships or emotional regulation. We wonder why learning feels uneven or slow. And we internalize that.

We forget that thriving in every area at once is not developmentally normal.

Kids grow like wildflowers — one bloom at a time.

Your Child’s Struggle Isn’t Evidence of Your Failure

In the video, I share a personal story about a season when one of my kids was excelling in one area and struggling in another.

And I’ll be honest — even as a therapist, I felt guilt.
I worried about the future.
I wondered if I was doing enough.

But something shifted when I stopped trying to “fix” everything and started focusing on walking beside them instead.

Kids don’t need us to remove every obstacle.
They need us to be a safe place to land while they learn to climb.

This realization softened everything — both in our home and in my heart.

In the YouTube video, I share nine ways to support a child who’s uneven in their growth — including:

• praising effort instead of outcome
• noticing and naming strengths out loud
• normalizing uneven development
• shifting from comparison to growth
• setting small measurable goals
• creating structure without shame
• protecting yourself from online judgment
• celebrating passions that are still growing
• loving them through struggle, not out of it

And maybe most importantly…

Even if your child isn’t shining anywhere yet, it doesn’t mean the spark isn’t there.
It may be hidden, quiet, late-blooming, or unconventional — but it is there.
Your belief becomes the soil in which their confidence grows.

If you need reassurance, permission to exhale, or language to help your child feel safe and seen…

You’ll want to watch the full conversation.
It’s gentle, honest, and real.

Watch here →
When Your Child Struggles And You Start to Doubt Yourself

You’re not behind.
Your child is not broken.
And you are not failing.

You are raising a whole human — beautifully, imperfectly, and with so much heart.

And that matters more than anything.

Catherine O’Brien is a couples therapist in Sacramento, CA who helps parents reconnect, communicate, and thrive—even during the busiest seasons of life. HappyWithBaby.com| Book An Appointment